the waste land

killerbeautiful @ 2008-07-24T21:40:00

2008-07-25T01:47:41Z

what's this? two in one week? balderdash! actually i just had to post because i'm scaring myself with this skinny bitch thing. i've bought soy creamer and soy milk for my cereal and rice milk to drink, been snacking only on raw almonds and pumpkin seeds and organic granola all week, eaten fruit for breakfast every day, and i just went to whole foods for dinner and got a vegetarian egg roll, vegan dumplings and a shitton of steamed veggies, and ate it in like two minutes flat. and it was fucking delicious. not that the veggies-taste-good thing was news to me, but srsly, it's scary how if i just stop being a pansy about money and decide to shop at WFM it's so easy to eat healthy. i mean, it's easy NOT to eat healthy there too, hello bakery case full of truffles and tortes and other sinful goodies... but there are so many things there that i LIKE to eat that fall into the category of 'this will not fuck up your body chemistry'. i'm still drinking coffee (and, currently, a circus boy-- they had that at WFM too) and eating meat and stuff, but this week i've been way more discerning in my food choices, and i really feel good. not like i wake up feeling like giselle from 'enchanted' every morning, but i have had more energy and needed to spend fewer lunch breaks PTFO asleep in my car. >.>;;;;;

still have not seen dark knight or mamma mia OR PRINCE CASPIAN OR INDIANA JONES OR WANTED OR ANYTHING ELSE. just get smart. which was good, but still. i need to go to the movies more. hopefully when that girl is working who thinks i'm still a mt holyoke student who perpetually forgets her ID. XD

♥

and i'm gone daddy gone

2008-07-20T22:25:41Z

i don't even want to think about how long it's been since i last posted something of real substance here. you all do remember who i am, right? :D i know it's been ages. in my defense all i can say is that hopefully soon a laptop or internetphone or both will enter my life. i'm hoping to get blackberrified within the next month or so, and whatever is leftover from my tax stimulus money after my car gets tuned up will go into a laptop fund. then at least i can make use of wifi and that network verizon is so proud of. >.>

recent events worth highlighting.....
--lindsay's and my garden has exploded, literally. we got a zucchini that weighed at least three pounds last week, and two more that were not much smaller over the weekend. i have flowers coming up that i never thought would actually bloom, i have surprise morning glories and sunflowers that are literally taller than me, and so much more. it's so exciting, i really fucking love that i actually have a green thumb. when it comes to things planted in the ground, at least; i won't say anything about my previous luck or lack thereof with potted plants. XD

--the landlord said i could renew my lease of the house for next year. since i'm the only one of the current group that's staying (for which i say AMEN AND HALLELUJAH) it's up to me to fill the house. so, for anyone who is currently in the pioneer valley area or is thinking of moving to it (or back to it! :)) let me know. there are 6 rooms available of varying sizes and prices, and it's in a super convenient location. and plus i'd love to populate at least some of the house with people i know. XD

--my vacation with ardavana, halfdreams, linaeloisetook, sekala and usually9_15. from june 27 thru july 5 we left the real world behind and holed up in a cabin on lake sebago (one named 'our knotty place', teehee). we actually spent the first night in somerville going to dali, which is a tapas place we've wanted to try for a while, and shit was it amazing. none of us had ever done tapas before, and it was awesome-- getting dressed up especially. the less awesome part was the gash i got in my heel from my new stilettos, which while sexy as hell, are fucking painful when they're not broken in. >.> the week itself was amazing, would have been moreso if i hadn't gotten sunstroke on the second day and spent half the rest of the time feeling like i was going to die and/or sleeping, but what i was awake and alert for, was awesome. i think my favorite part was being right on the lake; getting up and seeing the sun on the water, the baby ducks that swam by every morning, being able to go swimming anytime i wanted to.... it was really just peaceful and wonderful. i could go on for hours but i won't, as i'm trying to prevent this from being a "omg she wrote a novel" entry. :)

--on another note of fashion, i finally purchased the red heels i'd been ogling on zappos months ago - they went away b/c they were out of stock but they came back and i went ahead and splurged - it's rare that i see a pair of shoes that i NEED, but i knew the first time i saw these that i needed them, and esp. after missing the boat the first time and then regretting it ever since - i'm so glad i got them.

--my 'read 50 books in a year' challenge is being blasted out of the park - i think i'm on 38 at the moment. most recently i finished 'kushiel's mercy' which was another edge-of-your-seat close to another stellar trilogy - seriously i hope carey keeps writing these books for years, they never stop awesoming the hell out of me. and, possibly more importantly, i'm also reading 'skinny bitch', and am finding myself really affected by it. i'm not drinking the vegan kool-aid, despite the fact that i live in probably one of the easiest areas in the country to be vegan-- i'm a realist, and i know that every once in a while if someone offers me a cheeseburger i'm gonna eat a cheeseburger-- plus i refuse to be That Girl who goes out to eat or goes visiting and wrinkles up her nose and says 'i can't eat thaaaaaaat...'--- but what i'm taking away from the book is really just the slap-in-the-face 'get real' attitude of it --- like, here's a list, when you eat that cheeseburger, these are the chemicals that are going into your body. these are the hormones they put in stuff. don't be a fucking idiot. the cruelty-to-animals thing is really hitting me hard too-- a whole chapter on slaughterhouses and how animals are killed and stuff-- i am such a bleeding heart, it's really gotten to me. i know, again, i'm a realist, i'm not going to give up meat entirely. but i really am grateful that it's possible for me to shop at whole foods, where they at least ensure the quality of life of all the animals whose meat is sold in their stores-- they have their own fisheries, their own slaughterhouses, they buy from farms where the animals actually live outside instead of in a warehouse-- you get the gist. i'm only halfway thru the book at the moment but i've already made a list of things i can replace with healthier alternatives and things i know i will never be able to give up-- it's all about perspective, and whether it helps me lose weight or just helps me feel better about my body, either way, i like feeling positive about the choices i make about what to eat and why. [/soapbox]

--the gnarls barkley song 'i'm going on' is stuck in my head. it occurred to me after several times listening to it that it's totally the kind of song i can see nickhornby dancing to. :D you move back to boston yet, sharon? sidebar - i feel like half the people i know in the world either now live or are moving to the boston area. i'm there reasonably often, so you people who live there should tell me that you do so i can pester you to hang out when i'm there. :)

--i am so. so. so. so. so. so. so. excited for it to be august and for my crazy fucking housemates to move out. seriously. words cannot possibly express how much. the insanity i've lived with/through.... seriously, one of my housemates i swear to god wins the prize for craziest / most fucked up roommate ever EVER in existence. thank god she's moving out first....

okay.... i have to go clean my room and put laundry away. i love you flist... i miss you. talk to me! tell me a story! i will reward you with cake (not a lie)!
<3 em

killerbeautiful @ 2008-04-30T22:32:00

2008-05-01T02:32:25Z

i am on fire. as is evidenced by my utter ignoring of this journal for god knows how long.

i live, flist. how are you?

one random funny story : at work they announced that on the 29th of april they'd be having a competition between the collectors to see who could get the most number of payments in a day. i scoffed at this, going, wow, there's going to be a waste of a day for me-- no way i'll even come close to winning.

well, guess who has two thumbs and won the prize of a $75 gift certificate to the place of her choice? this girl. :D

my brain went like this : sweet, get the GC to lucky's so i can get a new tat! cus the only thing better than a new tat is a new FREE tat. wait, except that's totally irresponsible and stupid. i should get it to hess or shell (2 places i fill up on gas most often) b/c really, i could use free gas. but that is totally boring and shitty and predictable, none of which are adjectives that describe me. sooooo let's have a compromise between frivolous and sensible. what's something i spend a lot of money on but shouldn't, and am totally incapable of guilt-tripping myself into doing without? oh right, duh... COFFEE.

so i'm getting the GC to the awesome coffee shop across the street from me, so i will be decked out in awesome lattes and pear-sunflower muffins for at least a month.

.........doesn't quite make up for the fact that they're not giving me the week off to go to maine with my 5 best friends to the cabin we ALREADY PAID FOR..... but at least it made me stop trying to come up with ways to give my boss a fatal disease and/or the evil eye. for a while. >.>

okay..... sleepies now. hope not to dream about gossip girl like i did last night. shelightsupwell, you are going to HELL for this. XD

killerbeautiful @ 2008-03-14T13:41:00

2008-03-14T17:43:40Z

.........why did i never remember there was a fucking apple store in the mall until now?????

i sense i'm going to be coming here on my lunch breaks a lot more often til i get a phone with internets.

26 HOURS TIL oimizza DETONATION!!!!!!!

i am so fucking manic. time to go get another espresso and try to be interested in collecting debts for three and a half more hours....................

.....ps. rinlage. i only just remembered the mad cow disease helicopter joke like, two days ago, not having thought about it in christ knows how long.... and laughed about it for like half an hour. i miss you, woman. any chance you could bus your fine self down to boston on sunday? :D

killerbeautiful @ 2008-03-10T20:46:00

2008-03-11T01:08:21Z

y hlo thar livejournal.

so, i've been busy. lol. but i wanted first to make sure i said thanks to everyone who recced and/or linked me music -- i've been having a ton of fun with all of it, and i really appreciate all of it. cobra starship is totally my new favorite thing ever, omg. <3333333333

so much has happened except there's not really anything to tell. oimizza is coming to visit me this weekend, and i couldn't be more excited. it's been a hell of a long time since i've seen her, and while 48 hours is hardly long enough, it's a good tide-over til i can manage a visit to chicago (or drag her out here again). my life has actually been running pretty fucking smoothly these past few weeks-- working some strange hours aside, honestly, i was so right about the money making up for any 'meh' feelings i might have had about any part of the job. it is so nice to have a schedule, to come home every wednesday and have a check on the table, to know that after i get caught up with my bills, no one is going to have to reproach me or hound me or have a Talk with me about money for a long long time-- as long as i keep working here, at least.

media news.... been reading a lot. hour-long lunch breaks are good for that.

mistress of the art of death by ariana franklin and a poisoned season by tasha alexander -- both period mysteries, both excellent. probably liked the alexander one better, but it's so much easier to make a busy plot in the victorian era than in the middle ages-- society breeds mystery, even if the whodunit is just wondering who took your glove.

the talisman, finally-- also excellent, though definitely weaker than if sai king had just written it himself. wolf annoyed the crap out of me-- linaeloisetook was so right, he is hagrid, and i don't care if it makes me a bad person but hagrid annoys me too most of the time, lol. but i loved richard, and jack is deeply awesome, obviously a jake chambers twinner/archetype....

going postal by terry pratchett - not finished with this yet, but obviously it is also deeply awesome. i feel like i ought to go back and read some of the pratchett that comes between mort and the stuff he's written lately -- when i was in high school i read that and the one that's a phantom of the opera spoof, and was like meh, pratchett, he's okay but nothing great -- but NOW it's like whoa, the man is using fantasy and ridiculous humor to make social commentary and ponder questions of philosophy. amazing.

i've also picked back up with the sopranos and am reminded of why i love that fucking show so much. it's really deep and not very uplifting, but god it's like crack. and it never ceases to amaze me that the deeply italian new jersey family reminds me so hardcore of my father's deeply irish long island family, in so many ways. aaaaaaaaalso saw 'becoming jane' and am enthralled. it's rare that one's two biggest celebrity crushes get put into one movie; even rarer, i think, that said movie is GOOD. which this was, very very good. i hope JM and AH act together again; they had amazing chemistry. yummmmmmmmm.

randomly, i really miss home. i haven't been to my mom's house in months-- probably the longest stint of me not going home since this time last year. i hate that; it's so funny that i used to really not like living with mom, but her house is like an instant recharge to me. it's like when my '06 friends were still at mhc and i'd go visit, or when the girls still lived in the apartment on 3rd street.... i didn't want to leave when sunday came, and the "real" world seemed duller than the place i'd just left. of course the comparison is different when talking about your mom's house than when talking about OpCA's House of Debauchery...... ;)

ok.... definitely time to feed myself. nom nom nom nom nom.............

i need a fix cause i'm going down

2008-02-17T00:33:51Z

i'll have dinner with a dollop of nostalgia on the side, please.

maybe it was talking with linaeloisetook this morning, maybe it was watching across the universe twice in one week, maybe it's nothing more than marking the passage of time. but god damn i miss college. i miss living with people around me (but not necessarily with me) all the time, miss the feeling of knowing everything's going to be taken care of, miss being able to walk down the hall or across campus and see the people that matter most.

for those of you who are wondering... when i say my junior and senior years at mount holyoke were largely spent like this, please believe i am in no way exaggerating. those who were there will swear it's true. and having said that, how can i not miss it? how i not yearn for the insanity of idiocy such as three friends pulling four all-nighters in a row in a room under the stairs in the library, sleeping in one-hour shifts in the nook beneath the staircase? of getting busted by public safety climbing out a window in the library? of the parties we'd have after a cappella shows, of the parties we had in my dorm rooms for christ's sake.... my birthday parties, the valentine's day masque, those parties over j-term....

i always scoffed at the idea that college was the best years of your life. i'm shocked to find it was actually true. but i guess i never expected to actually end up in the place that was perfect for me, a place i would come forever to think of as home.

mohos both matriculated and honorary, i miss you. if you're going out to drink tonight, as i so fervently wish i was, give a tiny toast to mhc for me. (and by tiny, i mean, fits in a glass of 2oz. or less. a toast to those who boast, if you will. ;))

killerbeautiful @ 2008-02-16T12:42:00

2008-02-16T17:42:47Z

i'm on a hunt for new music. i've gotten myself into one of those funks where i have listened to everything i have about 87 hojillion times, and a lot of it is getting old. so i thought i'd appeal to you, flist, to link me to stuff. i have a lot of indie pop and rock, i am definitely not looking for another ingrid michaelson or death cab for cutie. i'm more looking for energetic rock, stuff with good beats and an interesting layer of sounds. like the lo-fidelity allstars track i linked the other day, or (don't laugh) panic at the disco. i love classic rock, i love love love 80s punk rock, i like stuff that's mixed the way house/techno is (like crystal method or massive attack) -- basically anything. i don't really do rap or hip-hop, but i'll take 'em if you swear by 'em. :)

i'd love uploads, but even if you can't, just the recommendations will do. i need to inject some life into my itunes!! THANKS FLIST.

that meme

2008-02-16T08:13:56Z

because what else do you do at 2:30 in the morning when you're waiting for laundry to dry?

1. Pick 15 of your favourite movies.
2. Go to IMDb and find a quote from each movie.
3. Post them here for everyone to guess.
4. Fill in the film title once it's guessed.
5. NO GOOGLING/using IMDb search functions.

01. there's a long history of this in catholicism. --secretary guessed by rinlage
02. no, it means i was drunk yesterday. --school of rock guessed by bsafemydeers
03. i understand this must be quite painful for you, but it really is a chicken. --mirrormask guessed by bsafemydeers
04. just doing my part for the deconstruction of america. --the faculty guessed by thetinydemon
05. ah, think of the suffering you're gonna miss. i mean high school? high school, those are your prime suffering years. you don't get better suffering than that. --little miss sunshine guessed by eudaimon
06. what's another word for 'engorged'? --10 things i hate about you guessed by shelightsupwell
07. apparently, he had a very good time. --the mummy guessed by melloniel
08. well, there go a coupla suckers. --labyrinth guessed by sekala
09. villain, i have done thy mother. --titus guessed by thetinydemon
10. i swear to god i'm gonna hit you so hard when you come to, ooh boy, you're gonna need a new haircut. --remember the titans guessed by melloniel
11. well hell! i'm gonna live! --serenity guessed by melloniel
12. i can categorically say that you are not a bigger banana-head. --empire records guessed by bsafemydeers
13. i rarely say this to people who aren't me, but you have got to calm down! --the devil wears prada guessed by dsneyvoice
14. i'm not your puppet, and you're not my puppet-controlling guy!--ratatouille guessed by sekala
15. the teen beat thing was kinda harsh.--ocean's 11 guessed by usually9_15

please keep in mind i've got about 50 favorite movies, these are just the ones that i happened to think of first. also i refrained from quoting anything retardedly recognizeable like star wars. :)

killerbeautiful @ 2008-02-14T12:42:00

2008-02-14T17:55:48Z

some thoughts that have occurred to me and/or caused a brain rant while spending the past three and a half days in file hell :

- the use of the word 'fuck' in music. it's usually reserved for swearing-- its adjectival form, if you will-- and not used in reference to actual sex. the only two uses of it i can think of off the top of my head (and keep in mind i don't listen to a lot of rap or hip-hop) are 'closer' by nine inch nails and 'lying is the most fun a girl can have without taking off her clothes' by panic at the disco. interesting. i have no idea what it means, if anything, but i thought it was worth noting. why do you think songs that talk about sex usually use euphemisms? is it trying to be poetic or funny, or is it unwillingness to use the word because of its connotations? hmm.

- across the universe. i saw it finally. i could write a whole post about it, but i'll just say instead that joe cocker's version of 'come together' is one of the most amazingly addictive things ever. i've listened to it like five times today already. and if i had the whole soundtrack instead of just a few downloaded tracks i'd probably have listened to joe anderson's 'happiness is a warm gun' about twice that many times...... lord that boy is talented.

- if there was just one more day in the week, i think i'd be okay.

- the new character of daniel in last week's episode of lost is the guy who played maggie gyllenhaal's skeezy boyfriend peter in 'secretary'. also, can we discuss these flash forward things? how do we feel about them? do we feel they're trying to gratuitously up the karma/doom/dramaz, or do we feel they're interesting and a good step forward? i think s3 ended up really well even though the first half of it kind of sucked, and i'm liking s4 so far.... i just dunno. i'm skeptical, but i'll keep watching.

- i could not work here permanently. it's not that the place itself is bad, it's really not-- i'm at the main factory for yankee candle, working in their HR office. the people are lovely, the job is easy and the pay is decent.... it's just the smell. imagine taking one of every single scent of candle that YC makes and melting them all in separate pots in the same room so the smells all glob together and permeate everything, not to mention the weird melty smell added in.... seriously, it's not bad in teh office, but to go down to the cafeteria where this computer is, i ahve to walk through the factory area, and OH MY GOD. it's all i can do not to run through with my hand over my nose. the people who work here must just lose all sense of smell after a while.

- new favorite songs : 'funnyman' by kt tunstall and 'all your love' by hellogoodbye. i am not sure how i missed the hellogoodbye bandwagon when (apparently) all my friends jumped on it last spring, i would swear for certain i'd never even heard of them until a month or two ago, but now i am in love. also there's one on my ipod by the lofidelity allstars that i have no idea what it's called but omg.... SO GOOD. eta : 'battleflag' by lo-fidelity allstars. listen and love, people. also have 'funnyman' as well.... brilliance. linaeloisetook you better DL that one. XD

anyway..... break is over, so, i should return. i think i'm going to see spiderwick chronicles tomorrow night....... and i got paid today, sons of bitches!! *\o/*

also, happy loooooooooooove day, flist.

♥

killerbeautiful @ 2008-02-06T20:32:00

2008-02-07T01:32:33Z

good things about today :

- temp agency got me some short-term work, and work = money = awesome
- spoke with both of my parents! am not a delinquent daughter (or at least, am less of one than i was this morning)!!
- am selling stupid old futon for twice the price i thought i was getting for it, due to some shenanigans with the buyer sending me the wrong check or some shit-- anyway, it also means money, which means i've recouped a week's pay, which means i'm only out about $300 for the entire month, which sucks, but is workable.
- texting linaeloisetook throughout the day-- nothing like ridiculous texts to make the day pass faster.
- looking forward to VISITS THIS WEEKEND. from mom on friday to saturday (with bonus haircut involved!) and then linaeloisetook and usually9_15 on saturday. good tiiiiiiiiiimes, yo. XD

bad things about today :

- the WEATHER. oh my SHIT new england, please wise up. we don't need you to try and have winter and monsoon season at the same fucking time.
- wrong shoes. definitely definitely wrong shoes. owwwwwwwww feet and legs. :(
- filing is BORING AS FUCKING HELL and i mashed up my cuticles nicely on all those cardboard edges.
- can't get out of work early on friday, which means less time seeing mom when she comes. still feel slightly like a delinquent daughter about this; it is her birthday on saturday. :-/

oh well. money is money, and i've definitely done worse / more boring jobs than this one. at least after tomorrow we'll be past the stick-stuff-in-files stage and onto the pull-files-and-throw-them-the-fuck-away stage, which is infinitely more satisfying.

i'm going to go wait for someone to stop doing her bio homework now. >:P

psa

2008-02-06T02:51:28Z

my temp agency found me some work (THANK FUCKING GOD) starting tomorrow and running thru next friday. so, those of you who've been accustomed to me being around during the day for the past two and a half weeks, that's why i won't be around. it's just filing shit, which is insanely boring, so if i am extra-crazy when i get back home, that'll be why. lol.

also-- nine inch nails' year zero album is hottttttttttt. XD

killerbeautiful @ 2008-01-31T23:34:00

2008-02-01T04:34:12Z

i just spent about an hour surfing through this site-- i've alternately been amazed, horrified, saddened and amused at the things i read-- and i'm remembering how fascinated with primates i was when i was younger, spurred by my history day project on dian fossey and continued on just through an insatiable curiosity. truly, even if i weren't a hippie liberal dyke from massachusetts, i'd have a hard time understanding how anyone reading some of these stories could deny that chimpanzees and humans are closely related. one chimp tore a hole in his blanket and wore it over his head as a poncho; after another chimp died his family was silent for two whole days out of mourning.

please, if you are reading this and you have anything at all to give, give to this foundation. the work they do is not for any profit but for the good of these animals, and after all they've endured at the hands of humans, giving a little back is the least we can do.

listeriffic

2008-01-31T21:04:56Z

01. adam pascal's voice makes me weepy in the best way possible.

02. seth mcfarlane talks about teh gay on 'family guy' and it is quite amusing.

03. i'm going to be opening up shop on etsy soon-- i went to get more padded interfacing today, and i'll be sewing my brains out for the next however many days it takes me to make a few pieces. anyone who's interested in a hand-made fabric case for your ipod, game boy or other electronic device, i'll give a discount to anyone on my flist. more (including, obvs, pictures) to come when the etsy shop is actually up, but let me know now if you're interested and what colors you want; i'll make those first. :D

04. you know what i love? ungrateful people. like the kind that read a note in which i explain that i spent an hour with a scouring pad cleaning all the gunk and disgusting mess off our kitchen floor (which hasn't seen a mop since AT LEAST october-- go on, gag, i do all the time) and so i think it's fair if i bugger off doing this round of dishes-- and after reading said note, think it's cool to write snide comments at the bottom and tell one of my other housemates that i'm a martyr. WTF???? how is it being a martyr to say "yo, i did this really horrible distasteful thing that nobody else wanted to do, how 'bout we even the score by you washing the three cereal bowls i left in the sink"??? seriously. i love ONE of my housemates unconditionally, and he is (unfortunately!) the one who's probably most definitely not renewing his lease. i so do not know what i'm going to do if i can't get rinlage to move here in the fall. :x

05. i'm in love with my vacuum. i know i'm a freak. i don't care. i like cleaning, i like organizing, it makes me feel good about myself and my brain and my life. i'm SO GLAD i have that vacuum back, for reals, i am so much happier with a clean fucking floor.

and now, time for some tea and sewing. cheers! :D

killerbeautiful @ 2008-01-27T01:23:00

2008-01-27T06:23:59Z

quicklyyyy....

i finally finished my ali larter icon set. mmmmmmmmmmmmama, she is so hot. XD also, there are some amazing ratatouille icons here which i greatly enjoy. that movie was phenomenal-- and after all that i'd heard it was mediocre. whoever said that is a liar.

i hate feeling worried about someone, wanting to talk to them, but knowing i'm not in a place to ask them something personal. you know what i mean? when you know someone's having a hard time, you want to help, but you don't think they want your help...... it sucks. :/

and now, i go to bed. will probably read some more sedaris before i actually pass out; i'm finally getting to naked after like two years of it sitting on my shelf. i'm SO relieved that i've finally cleared the post-college never-wanna-read-anything-ever-again hurdle. i mean, i had already, since last year sort of, but now i'm finally to the place where i'm actively looking for new stuff to read and am getting adventurous about it. which is a nice feeling; i used to be a book sponge, and i like being that way again.

anyway. sleep. bye!

killerbeautiful @ 2008-01-25T21:51:00

2008-01-26T02:51:08Z

i love photoshop. really, that deserves a post of its own. it makes me so happy to fiddle with-- though it is frustrating as hell sometimes, for example, i was just looking over the set of BSG icons i'd started a few months ago, and most of them are total crap. not due to my lack of skill, thankfully, but actually due to the fact that there are NO GOOD SEASON 3 CAPS IN EXISTENCE yet. raaaaage. so, i guess i'll have to wait to put up my OMG FINAL 4 CYLONS icon set till the dvd's are out. >.< major sadcakes on that one. buuuuuuuut i have ali larter icons that are smoking hot, and i think after that i might do some supernatural ones........ yeah. anyway. i love photoshop. :D :D :D

ps - ugly betty and other icons posted here.

shock me, shock me, shock me....

2008-01-25T21:41:27Z

Which Battlestar Galactica Character Are You?

Created by BuddyTV

seriously.... and i only cheated a little. XD

day 3 of unemployment is treating me pretty well. slept till 10:30, ned made me a mocha for breakfast, have been photoshopping most of the day with occasional sidetrips to lose myself in the internets. have only thought ruefully/frustratedly/angrily about lost job about four times, which i think is a good round number. when i lost my job at shelburne falls i thought about it constantly; here i'm just sort of like meh. whatevs. though i suppose that's mostly because i know i have a very strong job prospect now. still no word on honda; will post when i find anything out.

cheers, y'all. back to photoshop; ugly betty icons being posted tonight. ♥

i'm a frak-up. try to keep that in mind.

2008-01-23T19:27:50Z

i feel like the anti-hero of my own life sometimes. especially on days when i go into work expecting nothing out of the ordinary, and instead get called into a meeting where i am told that they are restructuring the staff positions, mine is going to grow into something with more responsibility, and they don't think i'm going to be a good fit for it, so could i get my stuff together, i have the rest of the week off with pay, they're very sorry it didn't work out and would be happy to provide a reference for me if i need it.

i'm really just sort of dully surprised. my mom was extremely sympathetic which was *awesome* -- very often when i have a crisis she goes all WASPy stiff upper lip on me, but she totally didn't this time, she was really wonderful. totally kept me from driving to the liquor store to spend the rest of the day drowning my sorrows (and i'm only half kidding about that - i did seriously consider it). we came to the conclusion that i should try to get my job at honda back-- which may sound like lunacy to those of you playing along at home, given how much i hated my life last winter, but mom and i reasoned that without the second job depriving me of sleep and sanity it won't be so bad (cus srsly - a schedule that involves four days of 8am-midnight, one day of 8am-5pm and one day of 3pm-1am, with one day off every single week - not so much conducive to feeling like you're a human and not a messenger robot (many other functions)). my situation is completely different now, and if i go back to honda i'll be making the amount of money i need to pay my bills without the feeling of barely scraping by, which honestly, is a variety of peace of mind i can't afford to give up.

so, sounds like it's back to the debt collection grind for me. which is good because i haven't had funny work stories to relate to y'all in quite a while. coffee shops, dog sitting and insurance sales just don't have the special breed of insane customer relations that trying to get people to give you money does. and really, nothing's more fun than calling to talk to someone who answers you in english till you say who you're calling from, at which point they switch to spanish and pretend they can't understand you. ;)

i just still always have this problem where when i like people personally, it really bugs me to think they can have negative opinions of me professionally. which i did appreciate that my supervisor assured me like nine times that they all really liked me personally, etc.... i'm just bummed, i guess. i had a glimpse of this lifestyle that i would love to achieve for myself one day, and i had sort of thought this job might put me on the right track toward it. but this is not the only path, and i can at least take away with me the knowledge that i saw it is possible to be financially stable through hard work and perseverance, and use it to benefit myself in the future.

god, i hate adulthood sometimes.

killerbeautiful @ 2008-01-22T16:54:00

2008-01-22T21:56:14Z

what. the. motherfucking. shit.

.........i didn't know i cared so much about heath ledger until this very second.

my fucking god. i'm going to go watch 10 things i hate about you and cry myself to sleep. (not really.... but i want to.)

killerbeautiful @ 2008-01-22T12:06:00

2008-01-22T17:26:26Z

i'm greatly amused by this. first of all that she chose to publish under a name that's like "o hai, have u read my fic?!1!" to anyone who's ever tripped over the HP fandom blindfolded. second, that the only real feedback this reviewer gives (apart from seconding holly black's quote on the front-- which ok, i guess it's cool to have your friends write your bylines if you can't get anyone else to do them-- not that i'm knocking holly black b/c i've met her and she's quite cool-- but anyway) is to say that the book is almost a romance novel, and essentially would be if there was sex. is that a compliment? cus i really don't think it is, lol. but then again cassie claire is no stranger to "almosts" : x-ref "i wrote almost all of draco veritas myself..." speaking as someone who wants to write fantasy and/or young adult fantasy herself, it's pretty tough to convince people that fantasy is a valid genre, but there are definitely lists of fantasy books that even hardcore critics would have to admit have literary merit. the ONLY exception to the "romance is a crap genre" generalization that i've ever heard anyone give credit to is the outlander series-- and having read them myself, i question their classification as romance novels at all, would definitely go more toward historical fiction-- but i digress. the point is, i find it hilarious that the girl who was once the talk of the HP fandom (cus whether you believe she was a plagiarist or not, she certainly was the center of everyone's gossip at one point or another) has now sauntered down into writing paranormal romance novels. i find a strange, comforting parallelism in that; perhaps it's karma, perhaps not, i'm not sure. i don't know cassie personally, so i've no idea what kind of person she is; maybe she's happy writing romance novels. but i wouldn't be. so maybe it's good i didn't waste five years of my life "writing" an epic fanfiction. now i still have some creative guns left in my arsenal. :D

killerbeautiful @ 2008-01-21T12:07:00

2008-01-21T17:11:44Z

okay, so, i did a stupid and embarrassing thing, and am really annoyed at myself for it. so i'm poor, right? and dry cleaning is SO not in my financial spectrum. i usually get by with the rule of if something is dry-clean only, washing is ok, the dryer is not. if you're not sure, handwashing is preferable to machine washing.

so i'm a retard, and i forgot that wool shrinks when it gets wet, even if you only air dry it. so now my fabulous olive green wool pants are an inch shorter than they used to be, which wouldn't be so bad except now the lining is hanging down an inch below the hem. kill me, someone? please?

somewhere, stacy and clinton are shaking their heads, putting a big red X over my picture, saying, "we had such hopes for this one......."

[[i need an icon of ugly betty for posts like this. woe.]]

killerbeautiful @ 2008-01-06T00:39:00

2008-01-06T05:42:09Z

because it's a good idea, even if it wasn't my idea first :

-your name
-your email
-your most-used telephone number (and a name you answer to, if your internet handle isn't it)
-your mailing address, if you're comfortable
-your AIM name
-your facebook, again, if you're comfortable.

thanks guys. i think we all need some peace of mind right now. love you.

and for the record, i'm emily. if you want my info, comment. they're all screened.

all i know to do is go

2008-01-06T00:42:41Z

on days like today, you really get reminded of what you have, and what you stand to lose.

i don't care what anyone reading this journal thinks; for those of you who don't have "just on-line friends", you may think this is silly, or that i'm being histrionic, or hyperbolic. it's not, and i'm not.

i didn't know natalie that well. i'd played with her a few times on tabula rasa, which if you don't know, is a roleplaying game i've been a part of for over two years now. we'd talked a few times outside the game. and now she's passed away and i feel horrible. like, really truly horrible. sad, like i've lost something, a person and a feeling and it's so strange, because i'm not crying or even really sure of what's going on inside my chest. if she could just be gone, then any of us could just be gone, and that terrifies me.

i just want to say, i don't care who thinks it's weird, or who judges me (or any of us) for being nerdy enough to join a game where we pretend to be other people; tabula rasa is different than any other game i've ever played on, and it's 100% because of the people who play on it. this game truly changed my life, it saw me through a really hard period in my life, and honestly, i've made lifelong friends from this game. so i just want to say to all of you who i play with, even if we've only chatted in passing, you matter to me, and i love you a lot.

daylightsparks, we miss you.

steph miller, this one's for you.

2007-12-16T22:54:33Z

killerbeautiful @ 2007-12-08T18:27:00

2007-12-08T23:34:16Z

okay, so, i really fucked up my knee when i fell off my bike on my birthday. i've thought maybe that was true for a while, cus it hurts pretty bad when i hit it on things, but literally i think i cracked my kneecap. i keep whacking it on stuff and it is so fucking excruciating-- i'm at halfdreams's family christmas party and i just hit it on the cooler and literally doubled over crying. SUCK.

but OTOH the party is awesome, worth the six hour drive to get here like WHOA. it's so rare that linaeloisetook and i get to hang out uninterrupted by Events, the drive was so great with her as company. and steph's family is totally amazing, AND they live in a house that was once owned by the gershwins' sister. so currently i'm sitting in the kitchen of the house where george and ira may have composed some of the best-known music in american history. dude. :)

this time next year, i want to be living in troy. it's taken me a while to get to that point, but... depending on circumstances and certain other friends' plans, i think it's really going to be my priority. we'll see how things pan out, but i'm hoping they'll pan well.

happy holidays. :)

killerbeautiful @ 2007-11-28T19:29:00

2007-11-29T00:29:38Z

linaeloisetook, this one's for you. >:D

in other news........... various and sundry. those of you who watch drabblepalaver, watch it later tonight for an important post. i had my second day at my job today and it is made of win. even still, i shouldn't have spent $35 on sushi for me & housemates last night because now i am -$35 in the bank. but that's okay because i get paid on friday. it's sad but true, money does really make the world go round, and while it doesn't i need to hem some pants tonight. i like putting together new outfits out of clothes i already owned and feeling like i bought new clothes. the_blank_slate is still awesome. christmas music is coming, for those whole three of you that asked. :P i was really wanting a bacon cheeseburger today at work, and lo and behold, i come home and what does maya offer me for dinner? a bacon cheeseburger from whole foods, no less. mmmmmmmmmmmm.

okay..... enough wtih the randomness. i'm not even really posting for a reason except to take my mind off other things i ought to be doing. things still feel like they're falling apart, but i have to keep reminding myself this is actually the turn, the ebb of all the stupidity and the lack of control over the parts of my life. there are people i'm so angry at, and people i couldn't be more grateful for, and things i wish so desperately were different that i don't know how to even go about thinking about them. it's so weird, i was telling linds a few weeks back how i barely noticed the difference after i ran out of my meds and couldn't pay for more, and like a week later everything started falling apart again. i definitely notice a difference, and i swear to god, i am not going off those things again if i can help it. i'll deal with the lack of sex drive and the constant sleepiness; anything to help me handle the conscious moments without constantly feeling like i'm about to explode or burst into tears. :/

ok. time to finish my beer and get down to business.